Eye contact is an interesting subject, especially because most men grossly underestimate the magnitude of its effectiveness when used properly. When mastered, along with great body language, proper use of eye contact will have women approaching you instead of vice versa. Ever heard the saying, “Fake it ‘till you make it?” Well, the eye contact techniques I’m about to cover are things that highly confident men use naturally. The problem is, I would classify very few men as highly confident. So, what’s the solution? Fake it ‘till you make it. Use these techniques, along with those I cover in other articles, to appear much more confident than you may actually be.

Fake It ‘Till You Make It – Human Psychology At Its Best
An interesting tidbit about the way our brains function is that, while we usually consider a cause as something that always precede its effect, the effect can actually precede the cause and lead to the same result. What do I mean by all this psycho babble? You may think you need to be ultra confident in order to act confidently; what you may not realize, is that just acting confidently you will slowly start to become confident. Strange, I know, but this concept is a common study in the field of psychology and it allows us to take advantage of the “fake it ‘till you make it” technique effectively.

Effective Eye Contact Technique – Don’t Be Shifty
We’ve all had this happen to us…You’re talking with someone and they couldn’t appear any less interested in the conversation. Their eyes are shifting around the room as if they’re more interested in the strangers across the bar than what you’re saying. It’s obnoxious, I know. Think back to a time when that happened to you…what was going on in your head? If you’re like most people, you were thinking, “This person has no interest in what I’m saying.” What you may not have realized is that to women looking in on your conversation with your shifty-eyed compadre or wingman, your buddy might appear to be lacking in confidence. Why? If your wingman is not engaged in the conversation and is looking around the room vigorously to a woman this could be tantamount to ineptitude. A confident, alpha male goes out and gets what he wants; he doesn’t wait for things to happen and he certainly doesn’t waste time in boring conversation. To a woman looking in on your conversation it appears that nothing interesting is going on or being talked about otherwise he would be more engaged in the conversation. To an outside party of wildly attractive women, they see your less than attentive compadre as wanting to walk around and mingle, but too afraid to participate in the current conversation and too afraid to mingle. That’s bad, and trust me, beautiful women will notice this before you do, so don’t do it. An outside group of ladies looking in on your conversation want to see you having the time of your life fully engaged in your conversation, animated and absolutely oblivious to the fact that a group of sexy women just walked in the door. Women will think that with you is the place to be!

Although you don’t want to be ‘ole shifty eyes, the rules vary slightly when dealing with men vs. women. You also don’t want to leer, or stare straight at your conversation partner endlessly. Let’s go over these caveats in a bit more detail.

Are You A Creepy Old Man? No? Then Quit Staring
Ok, I just told you that you don’t want to have shifty eyes when talking to someone, but now I’m telling you not to stare…I’m starting to act like a woman, right? Wrong…don’t ever think that again! There’s a happy medium between staring like a Peeping Tom and having shifty and scattered eyes like an epileptic at a Tiesto concert. This happy medium, gents, is where you get yourself laid.

Eye Contact - The Happy Medium
The level of eye contact you want to shoot for will vary depending on the sex of the person you’re talking to. This is important, so pay attention.

Talking to a Man
If you’re talking with one of your buddies, or another guy you just met, you want to appear as if you’re having the time of your life. You should appear totally engaged in the conversation and, as such, you should have a lot of eye contact. You don’t want to leer at the guy and creep him out, but not only will a guy appreciate a lot of eye contact (it makes the guy feel important), but women will think you’re having that conversation because you want to, not because you’re afraid to talk to someone else. Shift your eyes a bit, and notice women around the bar so you know where your next target is, but don’t let those women recognize that you are noticing them. The best rule of thumb here is only look around the room for a purpose. In other words, look up at the TV to see the football game, or to signal another buddy to join you, but do not look around the room like you want to do something else. Remember, to a woman, the alpha male does what he wants to do, not what he feels like he has to do. And if you look like you are bored or would rather be doing something else regardless of how you truly feel, you will be less desirable in a woman’s eye.

Flirting with a Woman
When you’re talking to a woman, the rules change. A woman wants you to pay attention to her. She wants your eye contact, but if you give it to her without a reason, she’s going to think you’re maintaining eye contact just to be nice, because that’s what you are supposed to do, or because you are completely enthralled with her and thus less desirable. That’s not the impression you want to convey. Instead, make the woman earn your eye contact…think of it as a punishment-reward system. So what the hell does that mean? Well, as a man trying to pick up women, we need to distinguish between good behavior and bad. When we elicit good behavior from a woman, which is just behavior that gets us closer to a night cap, we want to reward her with more eye contact. When she displays bad behavior, which is behavior that we don’t want, behavior that is not conducive to us hooking up, we want to punish her with less eye contact. It’s kind of like training your dog, I know, but it works, and it’s what attractive women subconsciously expect.

When you’re first speaking with a woman, use a lot of eye contact if you’re the one speaking, but when she’s speaking, glance around the room like you’d rather be somewhere else. A woman likes a challenge, she wants to feel like she’s won you over, don’t give her the prize too easily. Each time she displays attraction to or comfort with you, reward her by stepping up your eye contact just a bit. For example, if she shares some personal information with you, that’s good, she’s showing that she’s getting comfortable with you. Now it’s time to reward her. As she’s sharing this information, maintain eye contact, then, if she goes back to meaningless chit chat, break eye contact and go back to casually glancing around the room. This will encourage her to share more personal information with you, something you want as it’s a sign that she’s becoming more comfortable with you.

You should continue to increase your level of eye contact so that, by the time you get her phone number, or bounce her to another location, the two of you are practically in a staring contest.

The Look of Ultimate Confidence
Time for an exercise in confidence. I want you to close your eyes and picture yourself sitting on a throne. You’re wearing a crown because you’re the king of the fucking world and everyone you’ve ever met is lined up to tell you how fucking great you are…how they all think you’re the shit and that they wish they could be more like you. Are you smiling? Maybe just a confident smirk, right? Now take a mental snapshot of how that feels, both the feeling of being the shit and the confident grin you have on your face. This is exactly how you should look and feel when speaking with a woman. This is the look of ultimate confidence and when you are maintaining eye contact with a woman, this is the look you should have on your face. When you’re doing this, you need to look straight into her eyes, don’t scan her body or her face, just look straight into her eyes. Maintaining this look and level of eye contact may feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but I can assure you, the look of ultimate confidence is one of the most powerful techniques you can use for intensifying a woman’s attraction toward you. Remember not to overuse the look of ultimate confidence but as you become more comfortable and confident it should be your default expression in social situations with women.

Conclusion
Eye contact is a powerful thing, when you master it, you’ll be able to seduce some women before you even speak to them. Using eye contact correctly does take some getting use to, and it can be pretty uncomfortable at first. That’s normal, just practice these techniques and it’ll soon become second nature. Remember to use a reward punishment technique to coax favorable interactions with women. Fake it ‘till you make it…eventually, you’ll internalize all these techniques and they’ll just become a part of who you are around women. Not to mention, they work and they will get you laid like a rock star.

In the next article, I’m going to cover a technique called takeaways, as well as how to read a woman’s feelings toward you by studying her eye contact. Takeaways are effective in several different stages of flirting, and as a follow up to this article, we’ll cover takeaways with respect to eye contact.