Compliments and flattery are a dangerous pair, but used properly and at the right times, they can trigger biological attraction mechanisms in the woman that will drive her wild. There are a few things you need to consider when using compliments or flattery in any pick up situation. As any gregarious, man should know, a woman’s natural attraction mechanism will be triggered by a man whom she looks up to and admires, and not necessarily, and most often not the other way around. That said, under no circumstance should you ever use flattery in your initial interactions with attractive women. Compliments are ok, sparingly, but flattery, by its very nature is meant for the sole purpose of getting on someone’s “good side.” The problem with this is women will pick up on this in a heartbeat, and if they sense you’re just trying to please them or make them like you, as opposed to being yourself, you’re going to slip into let’s-just-be-friends mode quicker than you can blink an eye.
While flattery will generally get you nowhere with desirable and attractive women. Compliments, when used strategically, can really drive up her comfort levels with you. Although having respect for your “target” as another human being is important, you can’t make the mistake that so many guys make when using compliments to attract women. This vital mistake is allowing yourself to become a wuss/douchebag in the process; the nice guy who hears the words, “let’s just be friends” more than “make love to me.” Each woman is going to be different as well as each particular pick up and dating situation, but there are some rules and techniques that can help you to effectively use compliments and flattery to attract more women successfully.
First of all, compliments should never be used during the initial stages of a pick up. A while back I asked a attractive female friend of mine (yes I have a few) how many times in a given day she gets complimented on her looks by men. Her answer blew my mind; she told me that on a normal weekday she’ll hear anywhere from ten to twenty compliments, just on her looks, by men she encounters throughout the day! Ten to twenty! On the weekends, when she goes out, it’s even worse; on a given night out at the bar, she estimates that an average of five men every hour will approach her and at least that many will try to make eye contact with her, but chicken out without ever talking to her. On a normal night out, I may spend 4 hours at the bar; in those four hours she getting eyed by twenty different guys and approached by another twenty more! Now, using compliments to attract women is meant to set yourself apart and be unique, but when you look at things from a beautiful woman’s perspective, you start to realize that by trying to set yourself apart in this way, you’re really just blending in with all the other guys trying to do the exact same thing. And what happens then? Well, you don’t set yourself apart, that’s for sure; in fact, what usually happens is the woman immediately files you away in her “nice guy I’d never date” file. Welcome to friend-zone my friend; population: you.
Ok, so we know that throwing out compliments left and right is like a drunk sailor playing with fire on a wooden ship, but what about using them sparingly and strategically? Well, for all you nice guys out there, you’ll be happy to know that there is a time and place for compliments, and they can be effective when used properly. Whenever you feel the urge to use a compliment, think of this simple rule. The average beautiful woman receives somewhere in the realm of twenty compliments a day from complete strangers, or at least from guys she isn’t already attracted to. When that happens, most women just think you’re a nice guy, but no different from all the rest. Instead, use compliments only after you’ve set yourself apart from all the other guys and she sees you as a potential partner. I underlined that because it’s so vitally important that you understand it. If you compliment her before she’s had a chance to become attracted to you, in her eyes, you’re just another of the twenty guys who’ve complimented her that day, and deep down, she probably thinks you’re just trying to get into her panties.
Note: Regardless of how true this is, you can not let her know, or even feel that your intentions are anything other than genuine. You want to build rapport with small talk, an observation/remark, a question (that she knows the answer to). Once you open up lines of communication with something relevant, here is where slight compliments can really shine. When she sees you as a potential partner, or at least is attracted to you, all of a sudden your opinion counts for a lot more with her. Now, she cares what you think, she cares how you treat her, you’ve tickled her subconscious, attracted her to you, and now, compliments can go a really long way.
So, for the love of God, never, ever use compliments during the initial stages of a pick-up, date, or relationship, or whatever you do to meet women. You might as well just hand her your picture with a note that says, “I’m just like everybody else! Do you like me? Check Yes or No.” As a self respecting man, our “game” should have evolved a little more from a 3rd graders level, and barraging a woman with compliments and praise isn’t much better than that. Instead, wait until she’s demonstrated some attraction for you in one way or another. Examples would be, smiling, laughing (with you not at you), improved body posture, and sort of preening etc. Once she’s done this, you’re no longer just another guy to her, now your Tom, Bill, or John, whatever the hell your name is, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that she sees you in a different light from all those other 19 guys who will hit on her today. Now, when you compliment her it can be a turn on, or an intriguing encounter for her rather than just a mundane interaction she has had. She will probably “space out” and think to herself, “Oh, another guy hitting on me, blah blah blah blah blah… I can’t even listen to what he’s saying because I’ve already heard this crap from too many guys today…I need to get my nails done, maybe schedule a hair appointment… I think I want some frozen yogurt… What am I doing tonight? Who is this guy? I got to go!”
The above techniques require a degree of comfort, some fine tuning for each individuals style through trial and error. It is important to do what feels comfortable for you within the guidelines given above. Remember you want to build rapport with small talk. Always be gauging the woman’s acceptance of the interaction, and you in general. Open the conversation with small talk, an observation, witty remark (on your shared surroundings), or a question that you are confident the woman can answer. Once you have engaged her judged her acceptance on her smiling, laughing, improved body posture, and any sort of preening, you can then lightly compliment her. Use it sparingly and use it to leverage a 2nd encounter, interaction or date.
Now that we’ve gone over when it’s ok to use compliments, we can tackle the types of compliments you should be using and exactly when and how often they should be used. With the help of this and other articles you will be well on your way to becoming a better flirt.