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15 Things You DO NOT Want to Hear From Your Sweetheart This Valentine’s Day

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Let’s get right to it…the 15 Things You DO NOT Want to Hear From Your Sweetheart this Valentine’s Day.

  1. “Are these my underwear?”
  2. “We need to talk…”
  3. “Hi, this is Sarah and Todd, leave a message after the beep,” when your name’s Brad.
  4. “Let’s have dinner with my parents tonight.”
  5. “Hello, this is the Los Angeles County jail with a collect call from, [insert sweetheart name here], will you accept?”
  6. “I went to the doctor today and he said I should talk to you about this…”
  7. “Is it in yet?”
  8. “Is this cubic zirconia?”
  9. “I know we set a $20 gift limit, but…”
  10. “Check it out…you put quarters in here, and the bed vibrates…”
  11. “Honey…who’s in our closet?”
  12. “Do you even have any idea what today is?”
  13. “You’re under arrest for solicitation of prostitution. You have the right to remain silent…” (ok, not from your sweetheart, but you don’t want to hear this nonetheless)
  14. “Your dad came on to me last night.”
  15. “You came on to my mom last night.”

How many of you have actually heard any of these on Valentine’s Day?

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3 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Martin // Feb 12, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    “You came on to my mom last night”…Priceless!

  • 2 dirty sanchez // Mar 12, 2008 at 6:01 am

    Son, your mom’s a whore.

  • 3 Brian // May 8, 2008 at 7:29 am

    #12. its not a problem anymore though. you gatta think ahead. buy a bunch of valentines/anniversary cards well in advance. keep this stuff in a box somewhere she’ll never look. on the day if she calls you out on forgetting, prove her wrong, by retreiving one of the pre-purchased cards. don’t forget to also have some related trinkets to geive her as a distraction while you make dinner reservations.

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